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Finding Your Tribe

You may have heard the expression "find your tribe." I remember being at the Fearless Foundations Workshop on Halloween weekend 2019 when I first became cognizant of that expression. An hour or so into the workshop, my sister and I were instructed to find our power partner for the weekend amongst a room full of strangers. I remember the workshop leader, inciting the audience of 40 or so people to follow one instruction, "Pick someone you are drawn to for any reason." After an electric impulse of nerves, fear, and Disneyland butterfly excitement coursed through me, I immediately made a beeline for Denise.

The point is, there is a tribe of like-minded people no matter what your need. And that’s a good thing.
Vernice “FlyGirl” Armour

Denise is a very pretty 40 something woman, with a strong, confident, compassionate vibe, an impeccable sense of authentic style, and who exuded a wicked wit, the truest aphrodisiac for my soul. She drew my attention after commenting on my verbal break-the-ice share about “having a bag packed in case I have to jam” with the group. Her humorous and insightful retort indicated a possible Jewish kinship and made me laugh. She conveyed authority and influence. Also, I liked her physical presence and professional approachability. I introduced myself and explained why I was intuitively drawn to both her and the workshop. She nodded knowingly saying with certainty, "You have found your tribe." Upon her verbal confirmation that I had found my tribe, something resonated deep within me, and I immediately knew I belonged.

What I did not know then is that sharing in this communal experience would produce other members of my tribe even though we did not personally connect one-on-one that weekend. Nor did I know that an unknown tribe would develop into an essential circle of sisterhood and trusting partnership. I was also unaware then that these connections would grow my confidence, my authenticity, my trust in myself and hone my tribe-finding skills. Finding that workshop and Denise were dipping my toe in the water. The ripples were what lay ahead. My becoming a coach, finding my sisterhood, enriching my core tribe, finding my business partnership, developing my entrepreneur, launching a website, and deepening my authenticity. Your tribe supports you to expand your comfort zones and empowers you to pursue your dreams. This is the power of finding your tribe(s).

Having a supportive group of friends is excellent for your well-being and growth. Your powerhouse group of friends might be carefully curated through years, serendipitously stumbled upon or on the spectrum anywhere in between. The importance of each remains the same. You must surround yourself with a strong support team to be your best professionally and personally. Your most authentic tribe will be an asset to the person you really are. So, stay true to yourself and go find your tribe!
Vernice “FlyGirl” Armour

As a middle-aged woman, I have been fortunate to be part of two major tribes, and multiple others based upon a reason, a season, a karmic debt, or a lifetime. I am fortunate to have a multitude of tribes that emerged from shared experience, careers, extracurricular activities, and from a variety of races, religions, genders, political ideals, and beliefs. I discovered my foundational tribe when I met my best friend, my person, Jennifer, 41 years ago. She is also why I know how to recognize a kindred spirit. During our college years, another entered our tribe, Amy. When Amy met her wife, Gaby, she became the 4th member of our Fearless Foursome. This is my first tribe, who despite the years or miles between us, are the most essential, deepest, and oldest friends of my life.

My second tribe, which I found by joining the Fearless Living Institute's Life Coach Candidate Program, consists of the Crazy 8's. This tribe consists of eight of the most wonderful women who accept and support each other without reservation. We range in age, profession, lifestyle, beliefs, and location, yet we align in purpose, heart, and soul. We can discuss or share anything with dignity, respect, and without judgment. The common theme of both my main tribes is authenticity and unconditional love, with support, loyalty, trust, and acceptance as sub-headers. We can be ourselves independently, yet as a tribe, we thrive.

When you find people who do not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me,too!" be sure to cherish them. Because those weirdos are your tribe.
Sweatpants & Coffee (Courtesy of Facebook)

Allow my experience of finding my tribe serves as a guideline for your own tribal map. Sometimes when you find a person or group that takes interest in you and/or you in them, that initial connection seems important. Yet, when the layers start to peel you recognize they are the appetizer giving you a taste of what main course lies ahead. Sometimes those initial sparks do not amount to anything. Sometimes those sparks build to a crescendo which yields an ever-stoking fire in the soul. Sometimes your initial reaction is to dismiss these important connections, as was the mutual experience for both my best friend and me upon meeting (a similar misjudgment happened with my husband). Your fear creates resistance, excuses, and hesitation as you try to in vain to avoid actual connection. Sometimes there is an electrical charge or connection and you orbit them like a planet around the sun. The point is there is no telling where, when, or how your tribe may show up. I believe though if you are open and aware, you will know.

Call it a clan. Call it a network. Call it a tribe. Call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
Jane Howard

The essential element all tribal experiences share is support. Perhaps because support is the essence of community and acceptance. Support helps alleviate loneliness, depression, and anxiety. It can make life easier and more meaningful as you feel guided, heard, acknowledged, and affirmed that you matter more than to just yourself.

For those of you who are puzzled by finding your tribe, let me clarify some guidelines. I emphasize these are not hard and fast rules for tribe questing. One can find a tribe or multiples at all times of life. A tribe can be one other person or a multitude. It can be a family born from blood or choice friends, co-workers, hobbyists, or club members.

Try observing the following credos:

  1. Know yourself. You cannot truly know what or whom you want or recognize another if you do not know yourself.

  2. Remain open to experience and trusting your gut. If you do not widen your horizons, nothing new will appear. If someone or something calls you, allow yourself to engage. Maybe your gateway to your tribe(s) lies within.

  3. Find your interests. It is only by discovery we can know if we authentically like or dislike something. Risk holds the benefit of discovery of interest and connection.

  4. Do not let expectations derail you from recognizing a real connection. Throw out your preconceived notions and logic and trust the feels or nudges which are guiding you. Those seemingly unlike us may share our values.

  5. You can find close connections or intimate friendships in those not like yourself.

  6. Trust your gut. Have a curiosity or a desire to pursue something, but told yourself "I couldn't or shouldn't"? Or "What would my friends think?"This is the time to cast convention aside and follow that little voice inside you.

  7. Everyone needs support. Everyone. Having a tribe is just that. So let your courageous self shine and seek those who are equally awaiting your mutual support.

What are your waiting for? Your tribes await you. The ones you have and the ones which you will find. Support is there in the form of connection, it is simply waiting for you to arrive.

Need some support of your own? Need to know yourself better? Want to find your tribe? Book a session with today to tackle any of those questions and more. We can't wait to meet you!


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